Sunday night we embodied the essence of 'return' in our Elul Dance circle. We focused upon our structures and our soft bodies as we released inward (p'nimiyut/פְּנִימִיוּת) to our embodied knowing at the center of our beings. We danced as the sun set and watched the full moon of Elul rise over the trees, accompanied by the changing light of the sky, the arriving stars, and the sounds of the rushing creek below.
In these weeks of Elul, I am drawn more closely than ever to the rhythms of return in the tides and the moon. The repeating sequence of wax, full, wane, empty. The rhythms of tides in and out, in and out, in and out - mirroring my heartbeat, my breath and my steps as I walk upon the sand.
I return to this beach. For decades, my family has returned regularly to this beach in Point Reyes National Seashore (shown above). We return in the fog, in the rain, in the wind, and in the rare warm "summer days" of Northern California - in September and October. We return to celebrate birthdays and holidays with friends. To spend time solo. To run with our dogs. To grieve when our dogs leave us. To release and renew. When our hearts are broken. When our hearts are joyful. When our hearts are filled with the deepest whole-being gratitude for the blessing of belonging to this earth.
I return to my dancing community. After the dance on Sunday night our faces were glowing from the energy brought from within and by dancing with one another. Our words and gestures mirrored to one another in our final movement poem reflecting the essence of our embodied insights and discoveries. The experience of dancing together in this studio in Berkeley, for over two decades now, is a return to one of my soul's greatest joys in this lifetime.
I return to my breath. Rebbe Nachman of Breslov speaks of the breath as a beautiful repeating cycle that is the experience of Teshuvah - releasing the old and receiving the new. This is the most elegant and simple practice of return that nourishes me every day, every moment.
"Thus when you take a deep sigh, you release yourself from…the old and impure and open yourself to the pure air [in order to receive new vitality.] This is Teshuvah, returning from impurity to pure, from old to new, in order to gain new life." (See the full teaching HERE).
- Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, Adapted from Chayei Moharan #37
Each year, if we are fortunate enough to have good health and access to all that we need to live, with great gratitude we return to all that is seemingly 'the same', but we are different.
Last weekend, when I arrived to the same gorgeous deep sapphire expanse, the tides had changed the shape of the shoreline. There were new crescent moon-shaped circles of sand at the edge of the water, all in a row. Little temples of sacred space, one after another after another. It was a completely different beach! Although its shape changes, its essence now lives within me. This holy place, with this sand, this sky, this view is a healing balm that is constant in my life. In the same way, the beloved dancers who travel from all over the Bay to gather together and honor the cycles of the moon in Berkeley remains a constant in my life. The shape of the group changes each time, but the essence of our shared embodied prayer practice remains the same.
On the outside, the colors and shapes of these structures and forms (breath, body, beach, dance circles) look the same, but the innermost essence, Nikudah P'nimyut/ נְקֻדָּה פְּנִימִיּוּת, the heart of our beings, remains constant. In the same way, all that has happened in this past year since the last full moon of Elul has both shaped us and affected our shape, but our soul's essence is steady.
As we continue to journey throughout the month of Elul, let us return with "deep courage, pure pleasure, and a heart filled with determination and inner joy."
באומץ לבב
בחפץ טהור
בלב מלא עז
ושמחה פנימית
- Rav Avraham Isaac Kook, Orot HaKodesh 3:251, Translation by Rachel Ebner, One Song: The Torah of Tomorrow
With great love and appreciation for all that is alive, well, thriving and whole in our beings, as we are renewed from within and shaped by our practices of release and return in this season.